The death of a dog that has accompanied us through a long stretch of our lives is never easy to come to terms with; even though our dogs always live far too short a time, 10–14 years is a great deal of time, and it often spans a period of our lives that will never come again. As a result, losing a dog can be truly traumatic for some of us. Here we offer some advice on how to cope with the death of a dog through the various stages of the grieving process.
How to cope with the death of a dog: the stages of grief
Only those who have been through it, or who have had a dog that eventually crossed the Rainbow Bridge, truly know that they are facing a loss very similar to that of a loved one. If the dog was also connected to someone who has themselves passed away, it is even harder: you find yourself not only dealing with the grief of your furry companion, but reliving the grief of the loved one who preceded the dog's death. There are no recipes or shortcuts for knowing how to cope with the death of a dog, but there are a number of steps you can take to make the grieving process a little more bearable.
Below we offer some advice for working through grief in a more manageable way. This does not mean that the pain will leave you completely overnight, as the only thing that will ease the loss of a four-legged friend is time. Let us look at how to cope with the death of a dog:
1# Avoid talking about your dog's death with people who do not understand
This is a pain you have every right to feel, and it deserves to be respected. Those who have never had a dog should therefore avoid making hurtful comments. It is precisely because of such comments — the most common being: "it was just a dog" — that people are pushed to suppress their grief and keep everything bottled up inside.
In some ways this is not entirely wrong, because grieving for a dog is a very personal and private matter, and there are truly many people who simply cannot understand it. These people fail to realise that by belittling this pain they are diminishing not only the furry companion who has passed away, but also the fellow human being who is suffering from the death of their own dog.
And yet it is important to talk about it. To avoid encountering insensitive people, try to do so only with those who have been through the same experience and know what it means. It is no coincidence that on social networks there are pages and groups that invite people to post and talk about their friend who has crossed the Rainbow Bridge. Talking with the right people means having someone in front of you who knows how to give proper value both to your dog who has passed, and to you and your grief — a grief that is completely valid.
2# Do not avoid the places you used to visit with your dog
It is entirely understandable that after the death of a dog, many people avoid the places where they used to walk with them: a particular street at six in the morning, the park near home, and so on. As painful as it is, you should try to retrace those routes, ideally with a relative who understands your grief and shares it, or with a friend who knew your dog. The right moment for this is entirely up to you — no one can tell you whether it is better to do it straight away or to wait, as it is deeply painful either way.
Some people prefer to do it immediately, while they have not yet fully taken in what has happened, while others prefer to wait a while. Bear in mind that this stage is very painful and you will almost certainly feel like crying, but it is important to pass through the pain and come out the other side. If you avoid this passage at all costs, you risk becoming stuck in your grief.
3# Do not avoid remembering your dog
This too is a very painful stage, but the more you try not to remember, the more memories will flood your mind. Even if it means shedding a sea of tears, try to revisit those memories as often as you can, and you will find that before long they will become very special and deeply cherished ones — you just need to be patient. These are memories that will bind you forever to a being with a soul and a spirit (whatever priests and various religions may say) who was by your side in silence, yet in a different form. The love you felt for one another cannot vanish into oblivion, and it is therefore impossible that you will not meet again.
4# Accepting death: avoid feelings of guilt
You must not feel guilty because there was a time when you were tired and did not take them to the park, or only took them for a short walk. You must not feel guilty because you did not realise in time that they were unwell, and you must not torment yourself with thoughts such as: if I had taken them to the vet sooner, perhaps they would have lived longer — and other similar thoughts. It serves no purpose and only causes you harm. Instead, think about how lucky they were to have had a friend like you who gave them a peaceful and serene life, a warm and comfortable place to rest, food every day, and so much love and affection.
There are many dogs who have not been so fortunate and are now confined to shelters, desperate because their owners have abandoned them. Finally, do not worry: your friend is on the other side waiting for you — in fact, we would go even further and say there is a chance they are right beside you and you simply cannot see them. After all, who can ever really know how things are? No one has ever come back to tell us, have they?
